Disqualified!

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Image Stockx.change "cobrasoft"

In the last few years Mark and I have seen the marriages of three close couple friends fall apart because of sexual immorality. All of these marriages were ministry people. All of these were exemplary marriages—at least as far as anyone knew. And I would love to say that we saw it coming. I would love to say that in our wisdom we were able to discern the fissures in their relationships that would cause the end of the years and years of marriage each of these couples had shared. But that is not the case. In all three cases we were totally blindsided. 

This has shaken us to the core and we've talked of it at length. How could people—people just like us—go from active ministry to complete moral train wreck over night? Both Mark and I shudder at the thought of having run the race this far and then being disqualified. To be honest, it makes us feel afraid.

As a result of our discussions we have deduced the following:

1. Nothing really happens over night. While the unsuspecting spouse may be totally blindsided when the truth comes out, the wrong thinking leading to the sexual sin has been percolating a long time.
2. Good sex at home, while it is very important and does reduce temptation, cannot in itself stop a wandering mind from wandering and cause an unfaithful heart to become a faithful heart.
3. "Believing" correct Bible doctrine does not protect from sexual sin any more than "believing" healthy eating will protect from illness. If the doctrine is not practically applied it is not true belief and works no better than heresy to protect from temptation.
4. No matter how eloquent his or her protests of entitlement, the sinning partner always looks like a jerk. 
5. Pride, as much as desire, is at the root of all sexual sin. "I'm so important I deserve some slack." "I deserve more/better/different sex." "The rules don't apply to me."
6. A devastating fall not only undermines the credibility of everything future, it taints good done in the past. The reputation that took decades to build is completely destroyed and nothing, not even repentance, can ever truly restore it.

7. Sin makes you stupid. Sin makes you think you can get away with gratifying yourself and still keep your ministry, your family and your reputation. But in the end you lose it all. 

Bottom line? We're afraid. But we've decided sometimes fear is a good thing. A very, very good thing.  

See The Myth that God Never Gives More Than I Can Bear.

See Following My Heart, a Truly Stupid Idea.

See How to Avoid Becoming "The Other Woman."