No Longer Playing the Part of the Martyr

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 1 Cor. 13:1-3

In Confessions of a Transformed Heart I write of my family's first year in refugee work. In June 1991 we moved to the French speaking Ivory Coast to live and work among Liberian war refugees. The language barrier with the Ivorians was problematic and the expectations of the refugees suffocating. To make things even more difficult, I had a husband and three very active children with their own expectations. 

That first year was tough, to say the least. On every imaginable level I was in over my head and, in response, I became the "martyr" of 1 Corinthians 13:3—giving my goods to the poor and my body to be burned, so to speak.

In 1992, when we returned to refugee work for our second year after a break in the States, God began dealing with me about several major areas of sin, one being lovelessness. It wasn't that I wasn't trying to love people—I really was! But I wasn't succeeding. At last I was ready to admit that while others had indeed sinned against me, my sinful responses were my responsibility. And at last I really, truly wanted to change. However, I wasn't sure God could handle my complete honesty. 

One day in my desperation I cried out in prayer, "I can't love these people!" Then as almost an afterthought I added, "And while I am at it, I am going to be completely honest: I can't love my husband and I can't love my children." 

So there it was. But no lightning bolt fell from the sky. No heavenly baseball ball whacked me upside the head. No heavenly reprimand of any kind! In fact, rather than feeling any sense of censure from God, I felt His pleasure in me.  

Image Stockx.change Jan-Willem

Since that day God has taught me some wonderful truths about real, biblical, God-pleasing love. The "agape" love—a love that is actually God's love in a believer and flowing out to those around him—is totally different that the love produced by self-effort or guilt.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I Corinthians 13:4-7

God's agape love is not super-sized human love; It is the very nature of who He is. "God is love" (1 John 4:8). And it totally transforms those who let go of human self-effort and cling to Him in absolutely desperateness. 

God has transformed this "martyr" into someone quite different. He brought me to the end of myself so He could ignite me with His holy flame. I do not walk this road perfectly, to be sure, but when I walk in agape love, I know to Whom I should give the credit. 

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

See The Lowest Servant in the Room

See Am I Gorgeous Yet?