Exceedingly Abundantly Above All I Could Ask or Think

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:10

Today was one of those "once in a lifetime" days. A day when things come together in a way that defies all odds. My heart is overwhelmed with joy.

When my oldest son John-Mark was born in 1982, the woman at the hospital who brought us the birth certificate application expressed delight in our choice of names. We had told her we were naming our baby John-Mark because we were going to be missionaries in Liberia and he was going to be, like his Bible namesake, our missionary companion.

When we said John-Mark would be our missionary companion we were, of course, thinking of his childhood. At the tender age of 22, which was how old I was when John-Mark was born, the thought of tiny little John-Mark growing up and actually becoming a man one day was all but incomprehensible. But time passed and it happened. John-Mark grew up. And God did a tremendous work in our now-grown missionary companion's heart.  As a result, he and his precious wife presently live and minister in Voinjama, an interior town of Liberia. 

Yesterday the President of Liberia, Madame Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf or "Ma Ellen," was visiting their town and spent some time working the crowd, of whom John-Mark and Sara were a part. They don't know exactly why, but perhaps because they were holding my two little grandbabies who just happen to be absolutely darling, the President took notice of them. In fact, she not only took notice of them, after speaking with them briefly she invited them to dinner at her local house! 

Crowd waiting to greet the President

President Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf holding my grandson Noah

They went and enjoyed themselves tremendously. And then after dinner the President invited them to breakfast. How could they refuse? Again, they had a lovely time—and this time they were even able to have a photo taken with her. It was all very exciting.

The President with my granddaughter Audrey, Sara and John-Mark

Audrey in the president's "queen chair"

At the same time all of this was happening for John-Mark and Sara, something else was happening for me. Several weeks ago I submitted the e-book edition of Confessions of a Transformed Heart to Bookbub, an e-book promotional website that each day advertises one to three price-reduced or free books in several select categories. (Confessions falls under the religious and inspirational category.) To my great joy, the book was accepted. The date for Bookbub's e-flyer was set for February 19th. 

Yesterday, within an hour of the beginning of the promotion, several thousand people had downloaded the book. Thrilling indeed! And then this morning I woke up to Confessions of a Transformed Heart as the #1 free non-fiction Kindle book on Amazon. 

This has to be a "God thing" because there is no human probability that John-Mark and Sara would ever meet and then eat two meals in a row with the President of Liberia and there is no human probability my book would be the #1 non-fiction free offering in the Amazon Kindle store. But yet both of those things were true—and at the same time!

I am overwhelmed with the goodness of God. As those who know us already know and others may seriously suspect, Mark and I are completely ordinary people. Yet an extraordinary God has chosen us for this job. And today I wish so very much that all of those who have loved us and supported us through the years could join hands with Mark and me and sing one of my favorite hymns, "To God Be the Glory"!

"To God Be the Glory"

To God be the glory, great things he hath done!
So loved he the world that he gave us his Son,
who yielded his life an atonement for sin,
and opened the lifegate that all may go in.

Refrain:
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
let the earth hear his voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son,
and give him the glory, great things he hath done! 

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
to every believer the promise of God;
the vilest offender who truly believes,
that moment from Jesus a pardon receives.
(Refrain) 

Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done,
and great our rejoicing thru Jesus the Son;
but purer, and higher, and greater will be
our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.
(Refrain)

See Embracing Humility.
See The Worst Mother Ever!

A Servant of All

So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and behaved wisely. And Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants. 1Samuel 17:5

From the time the church of my childhood, Whitewater Baptist Church, was first organized, my parents were deeply involved in every facet of it. Among other things, my mom played the piano for the services. She wasn't a fantastic player, but she was good enough to do the job. And more important than amazing skill, she was totally reliable.  So, while there were periods of time when others played, myself included, in the end it defaulted back to my mom. This was the pattern for decades.

And then the inevitable happened. A sweet new family joined the church and the wife was extremely musical. Eventually the pastor of the church approached my mom and asked her to step down and let the new young lady be the primary pianist. My mom was a bit taken back—after all it had been her job for decades—but she knew the pastor was right. The new lady was more suited for the position. 

But what next? my mom asked herself. She had always known what her role was, but that role no longer belonged to her. She prayed and asked God for direction. He led her to volunteer for the baby nursury every single Sunday Sçhool period. Every single one. She felt having the same familiar face greet the babies each week would make both parents and babies feel more comfortable. And so my mom went from being at the front of the church every Sunday—very much in the public eye—to never being in the public eye at all. She served in the nursery in this capacity for many years.

1 Samuel 17:55-18:30 tells a story of another person who responded well to demotion. Before young David, the future king of Israel, fought the giant Goliath, few people had heard of him. However, after that famous one-on-one in which Goliath was felled, David was a household name. And King Saul honored him by making him the captain of the army. 

However, when King Saul heard women singing that Saul had slain his thousands and David his ten thousands, everything changed. No longer did Saul love and appreciate David. Instead he burned with jealousy. Rather than having David serve as captain of the army, Saul demoted him to captain over only one thousand men. Additionally, after promising it to the one who slew Goliath, Saul gave his daughter's hand in marriage to another. Two times Saul tried to murder David by spearing him. And through all of this David remained spiritually solid. In the days and years following, despite multiple opportunities to exact vengeance, David treated Saul with kindness and compassion—even as he was being hunted down by him to be murdered. 

And I have faced similar, although obviously much less dramatic, challenges when I have found my character tested by demotion. Those times when my skills or experience were overlooked. Those times when another was asked to do something I knew I was qualified to do or I greatly enjoyed doing. Those times when what seemed should be rightfully mine was denied me. 

If I have learned anything in this life, I have learned God does not think like I do. What seems loss to me is actually gain in God's economy. And while it is more fun to work on being humble when promoted than to work on being humble because of a demotion, God uses both. I certainly learned more from my mom's demotion than I ever learned from her various, much-deserved promotions. By modeling such humility, she inspired me greatly. I too want to be faithful always, allowing God to either demote or promote me as He sees fit.

And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” Mark 9:35

See The Worst Mother Ever.
See Playing with Little Foxes.

On Throwing a Holiday Pity Party

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name. Philippians 2:1-9

Imagestock.xchange "hisks"

Today is Valentine's Day. A lot of women, young and old, are thinking about love and hoping, oh-so-very-much, someone will remember them in a special way. And that's not wrong. But it can so easily go wrong.

And it certainly has gone wrong for me a few times! In fact, I have been guilty of feeling quite sorry for myself if Mark neglected to plan for my birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day or Valentine's Day. (Have I mentioned planning for holidays is not one of Mark's areas of strength?) In the midst of my pity party, the love and care Mark had exhibited the other days of the year would be forgotten as I focused exclusively on his present failure. 

Selfish is defined as "lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure." And, sadly, our culture—both Christian and non-Christian—not only accepts selfishness, it openly celebrates it. And, I'm afraid, it is often most conspicuously displayed in disappointment with holidays. At least for me.

But Philippians 2:1-9 reveals that type of thinking for what it was. Christ, who unlike me is infinitely worthy of honor, not only didn't get sullen when horrifically abused, He humbled Himself even to the point of death on a cross. Unlike me, He did nothing—not one little thing—out of selfishness, self-ambition or conceit. 

While no human example can compare to Christ's selflessness, my daughter recently posted this video to her facebook site and I thought it was a beautiful picture of sacrificial love. As opposed to the definition of selfish, this love showed deep consideration for another, being chiefly concerned with another's profit or pleasure.

True love is never selfish. ("Does not seek its own," 1 Corinthians 13:5b.)  And if I, like Christ, am willing to humble myself, whether my loved ones honor me or don't honor me on any given day, I will be OK. There will be no need to punish them for their real or perceived neglect or, even more counter-productive yet, try to coerce them into honoring me. 

And I don't have to accept this would-be disappointment with a "poor me" attitude. I am simply trusting my honor to the ultimate "lover of my soul," the One who knows all, sees all, and never forgets anything. 

For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. Hebrews 6:10

See Trusting God to Send a Thunder Storm.
See A Bitter Pill to Swallow.

A Love Worthy of Valentine's Day

That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19 

Perhaps because I am a twin and my earliest memories are being loved as part of a unit, since my childhood days I have struggled to believe the love of God was personal to me. I believed "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son" (John 3:16) because a love that embraced all of humanity was at least a bit conceivable. But a personal love for me? It seemed impossible to even grasp mentally, much less truly believe.

Thankfully God has done an amazing work in my life and one of the results is Paul's prayer for the believer's of his time has begun to be answered in me. I have begun to comprehend the width, depth, length and height of God's love—if only in a small way. 

Image stock.xchange "nicoleross" 

God has used is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8b, the most famous love passage in the Bible, to teach me about Himself. As well as describing the characteristics of a Holy Spirit empowered love of one person for another, since "God is love" (1 John 4:8), this passage helps me to understand more of who He is!   

" Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

 Biblically I can conclude the following amazing points.

1.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed a long-suffering love to another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

2.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have been kind to another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

3.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed a non-envying love to another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

4.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed a humble love to another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

5.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed an unselfish love that is always appropriate, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

6.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed a love that is not “provokable,” God’s love for me is that in perfection.

7.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed a love that thinks the best of another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

8.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have not rejoiced in unrighteousness but instead in the truth, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

9.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have born up under a difficult situation with love for another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

10.) In whatever way, by God’s grace, I have displayed an unfailing love for another, God’s love for me is that in perfection.

Although this Valentine's Day my husband and I will celebrate another year of  loving each other, that love should not be our primary focus. After all, it is only because of the amazing love of God that any properly executed human love is even possible. It is only because of the power of the Holy Spirit living in us that Mark and I can ever "get it right." 

And how thankful I am that God, who is love, absolutely never, ever gets it wrong!

Recently unearthed picture of Mark and me taken soon after our marriage in 1980.

See On Throwing a Holiday Pity Party.
See Affair-Proofing My Marriage.

Trusting God to Send A Thunderstorm

Then Samuel spoke to all the house of Israel, saying, “If you return to the LORD with all your hearts, then put away the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths from among you, and prepare your hearts for the LORD, and serve Him only; and He will deliver you from the hand of the Philistines.” 1 Samuel 7:3-4

I was reading Jonah a Bible story this morning and, as is often the case, I got as much from it as Jonah did. The story was about the Israelites' ongoing problems with their enemies the Philistines. For years they had been attempting to serve both God and idols. The prophet  Samuel wisely told them if  they would tear down their idols and worship God alone, God would bless them.  

And, almost unbelievably given their history, they did it! They not only tore down the Ashtoroth poles and the idols of Baal, they confessed their sins and prayed to the Lord. He heard their cries and, when the Philistines came to attack, God used a thunderstorm to drive them back. (See 1 Samuel 7:2-14.)

Image Stock.xchange "dimitri"

This story reminded me that I too, like those Israelites long ago, have been asked by God to tear down my idols. While I have never owned, nor desire to own, an idol made of wood or stone, I have been  guilty of worshiping false gods my culture has presented to me as good and helpful. These idols of mine have included such things as  control, money, good health, being understood, physical appearance, being treated fairly and having a pain-free life. 

I can't possibly explain this type of idolatry—idolatry of the heart—better than author Lou Priolo. “An idol can be anything. It may even be a good thing. But if we want it so badly that we sin if we don’t get it or sin to attain it, then we’re worshipping an idol rather than Christ.” 

Thankfully God knows me so much better than I know myself. He wants all of my worship and, through the years, has torn down many of my idols. While on the surface it can seem a serious loss, in the end I have gained so very much more than anything I have lost. Additionally, while God has never used a thunderstorm to cause my enemies to flee, I have seen Him protect me in stunning ways. 

And I daily see Him fighting for full ownership of my heart.  As new temptations to idolatry come before me the question I must ask myself is this. Do I trust my own ideas—ideas that match the world's philosophies and agendas—or do I trust God? Can this same God who pushed back the Philistines with a thunderstorm undertake for me if I too tear down my idols and worship Him alone? 

See Trust Issues.
See The Great Rewarder.

A Bitter Pill to Swallow

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. Ephesians 4:31-5:2

Image Stock.xchange "dimshik"

Although there are many, many parts of missionary work in West Africa to love, there are also quite a number of things that are a bit distasteful. One literally distasteful thing is the malarial prophylactic chloroquine.  Although it is out of vogue now, for years, once a week, we had to take two tablets in order to prevent malaria. As the "quine" on the end of the word indicates, chloroquine has quinine in it. The taste was truly disgusting. 

And of course it is not just us, but also the Liberians who are extremely familiar with the bitter taste of chloroquine. It has therefore been the perfect illustration for teaching on bitterness. Holding bitterness in our hearts against someone for something they have done—or something we think they have done—is like sucking on chloroquine tablets. Yuck! 

And yet I have done it. Someone hurt me in some way and rather than giving it over to God, I roll the bitterness around in mouth like I am sucking on sweet candy. Yet it is totally pointless! Sometimes that person hasn't even known I was upset and sometimes the person knew but didn't care. Either way, the one being hurt by my bitterness was not anyone else but me. And my bitterness neither solved the problem nor made it go away.

The Bible gives a wonderful solution. According to the book of Ephesians I am to "put away" bitterness and replace it with kindness, tenderheartedness, and a forgiving and loving spirit. I must replace the wrong, bitter thinking with correct, biblical thinking and ask God for the grace to love the one who has hurt me. While this will not necessarily mean the relationship can be immediately restored—that takes two—it does mean I stand ready for God to bring complete restoration. 

We have grown children who to this day have a problem with the taste of honey because of our unsuccessful efforts to hide the bitter taste of the chloroquine in it. Likewise if I try to sweeten my bitterness by pretending it is not sin, years from now some little mention of the person or event in question will trigger the very emotion I am unwilling to deal with today. However, by admitting my bitterness is my sin (as vs. the sin of the person against whom I feel bitter), I can then repent and be free—even if the other/s involved may not yet be willing to deal with sin and reconcile. 

How thankful I am the Bible is such a practical book. Unlike its image as a dusty tome for boring people, it is packed with powerful, life-changing advice. And the advice it gives about "putting away" bitterness is about as practical as it gets!

See Showing Off in the House of God.
See Trusting God for a Happy Ending.

The Worst Mother Ever!

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

When my daughter Melodie turned 13 I wanted to have a special party for her. After all, coming into the teen years is a big, big deal. Unfortunately, because of our mission work among the Liberian war refugees, we were living in the interior of the Ivory Coast and that meant our access to Western food was limited. However, I had the supplies for two homemade pizzas and a cake, which I figured would be enough for our missionary team and the two women visiting our small town from their North Africa ministries. 

As people started gathering for the party Melodie mentioned she had invited several Liberians to join the group. As I quizzed her it became apparent she had invited more people than we had food to serve. I quickly found Mark and asked him to go to the market immediately and buy some African "cook shop" food. He looked at me doubtfully, but when I insisted he left to do my bidding. 

By the time Mark returned the crowd had arrived and the party was in full swing. Relieved I now had enough food, I threw the rice and sauce into two bowls and placed them on the table near the  pizzas. After Mark formally greeting the guests and asked God's blessing on the food and the birthday girl, people lined up to serve themselves what they assumed would be delicious food. I joined the line, where I chatted with the missionary guest. Stepping up to the table, I placed some pizza on my plate. My guest looked down at the bowls and then up at me quizzically. "Do you know what that is?" she asked.

"No," I answered. I looked down at the dark brown sauce with the sausage-like meat floating in it and started to feel uneasy.

"That's tripe," she said with the certainty of someone who knew.

"What's tripe?" I asked. I strongly suspected the answer would not make me happy.

"Intestines."

Oh, mercy. I shrunk back in horror. I had served the intestines of some unknown jungle animal at my daughter's special 13th birthday party. I was officially the worst mother ever! 

That happened many years ago and while it may be the single most classless thing I have ever done, it is not the only time I've done something requiring a huge measure of grace be poured out on me. Besides the birthday party blunders—and there have been several—there have been other, more serious, parenting mistakes. I've under-reacted to things my children did that should have been dealt with and over-reacted to other things that should have been left alone. And I sometimes haven't even gotten their names right while doing it. (Through the years it has been a running joke that after naming our firstborn John-Mark, we should have named the others John-Melodie, John-Nathan, John-Heidi and John-Jared because often the name John came out of my mouth before I figured out the real name of the child to whom I was speaking. "You know who you are!" I would say when the child in question would wait to see if I would ever get it right.)

The truth is clear. I need grace. Lots and lots of grace. In fact, with its unlimited number of opportunities on any given day to mess up, I am in trouble. I am so frail. They must bear with me in love, humility and gentleness. My children are frail too. I must respond to them with love, humility and gentleness. It is the key to unity and peace.

Thankfully Melodie was a good sport at that never-to-be-forgotten birthday party. When we looked around and saw our Liberian friends eagerly gobbling up the intestine sauce, she and I both had a good laugh. (Well, a shuddering kind of good laugh.) And, to her credit, Melodie has never once brought up that birthday party and thrown it back in my face. 

That grace on Melodie's part warms me all these years later.

Melodie with her husband Kevin and baby Caleb - 2013

See That Really, Really Bad Smell.

See On Becoming a Man.

Embracing Humility

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 1 Peter 5:6

When our firstborn John-Mark was a baby, he was a parent's dream. He was quite cute, if I do say so myself, and his personality pleasant. Mark and I found it easy to work around meeting his needs when we were out and about, so we loved bringing him to church, the store, relative's houses, anywhere. 

John-Mark with Shep 

And then he turned 18 months. Practically overnight my little angel became a serious challenge and I was caught totally off guard. (Why is it called the "terrible twos" if it starts at 18 months?) One day when I was feeling particularly vulnerable my mother-in-law saw my distress and said something that has stuck with me through the years. While I fretted about how to handle image control, she softly said to me, "Children are a constant lesson in humility."

How true it is! I remember clearly before John-Mark's birth in Minneapolis when I sat in a large classroom filled with first-time pregnant women eager to learn breathing techniques to help with the pain of labor and delivery. I thought my big challenge in being a mother was going to be dealing with the physical pain of childbirth. Little did I know the real pain of having a child would be the discovery of who I really was. 

With six children now, whose ages range from six to thirty-one, I have recalled my mother-in-law's wise words countless times. Children bring with them ten thousand lessons in humility. When my child sins against me, my reaction to that sin reveals as much about me as the sin reveals about my child. And when I sin against my child, whether through commission or omission, this reveals much about me as well. If no other lesson is immediately learned, my sin against my child reveals my need for complete dependency on the One whose kindness is everlasting, whose patience never wears thin, and whose love is endlessly perfect. 

The contrast between God's perfection and my lack of it will always result in humility. And by embracing rather than running from those moments of self-revelation, an ever-increasing humility will be built into my life.  And painful though the lessons be, increased humility is always a good thing. A very good thing.

John-Mark today with his wife Sara and babies Audrey and Noah

See A Childlike Faith.

See On Becoming a Man.

Playing with Little Foxes

Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15

The Liberian women dress with amazing beauty whenever possible. The traditional colorful cloth, called "lappa," or special embroidered cloth is styled into suits or robe-like dresses—many times with a matching head tie—that are both interesting and flattering. Additionally, if finances allow, the women pay close attentions to accessories such as earrings, necklaces and bracelets. The end result is often stunning.

Image by Melodie Sheppard Kejr

A few years ago I was the speaker at a women's conference in the interior of Liberia. Because I was far from home, it was necessary for me to sleep overnight. This meant getting ready for class in the morning without the benefit of a regular-size mirror.

The results were sadly predictable. While I had managed to coax my hair into place, I had barely sat down at the front of the room when several women approached quietly to inform me there was a problem with my earrings—I was wearing two different kinds. A quick look around showed others were watching because, they too, had noticed my fashion faux pas. I pulled the earrings out of my ears and, sure enough, while the two earrings had a bit of color in common, they were definitely two entirely different styles. This obviously disturbed the Liberian women and, now that I knew about it, I too was disturbed. I put the earrings in my purse.

Later, as I was teaching, I mentioned the importance of the little things in life. While it was relatively easy for them to understand the "biggies" were wrong, I felt it important for them to recognize what God had been trying to pound into my head—that all sin is wrong. Not just the big, bad, bold ones. I must recognize that impatience, not just raging anger, is sin. Impure thoughts, not just impure actions, are sin. Borrowing and not repaying, not just stealing, is sin.

I could see by their eyes I was not making much progress. After all, it is rather counter intuitive. Then I remembered the earrings. Taking them out of my purse and putting them back on, I reminded them how disturbed they were when I was wearing two different types of earrings. It was a very small thing, wasn't it? Yet they all  knew it was a very important thing. The object lesson totally resonated with the women.

Charles Spurgeon explains this principle so much better than I can.

A little thorn may cause much suffering. A little cloud may hide the sun. Little foxes spoil the vines; and little sins do mischief to the tender heart. These little sins burrow in the soul, and make it so full of that which is hateful to Christ, that he will hold no comfortable fellowship and communion with us. A great sin cannot destroy a Christian, but a little sin can make him miserable. Jesus will not walk with his people unless they drive out every known sin. He says, "If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love, even as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love." (See here.)

Image public domain

How thankful I am for God's amazing grace. When those cute little foxes—the innocent, harmless, "little sins"—threaten to spoil the vine because I allow them to nibble away with their tiny little teeth at the corners of my life, God's Holy Spirit convicts of sin. By God's grace and with His strength, if I am willing to repent, I can be spared knowing what damage a full-grown fox will do to the garden of my life!

See My Life of Sin Testimony.
See The Worst Mother Ever!