Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Cor. 10:31In 1991-1992, our first year of ministry among the Liberian refugees living in the Ivory Coast, life was very challenging. Because of the nature of our work, we had come bearing gifts. However, the needs of the refugees were great and the gifts relatively small. And of course there was not enough for everyone.
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| Boxes of clothing for the Liberian refugees being boxed in Elkhart, IN, at McCoy Memorial Baptist Church |
Even recipients initially grateful were eventually disappointed the gift giving could not continue unabated. Many assumed we had endless money—or at least the ear of someone who had endless money—and if a request could be presented in a compelling manner, aid would be forthcoming. It was not at all uncommon for several people to be lined up outside our home waiting to see us while others were already inside presenting their requests. And while sometimes we were able to help, more often we were a disappointment.
And I absolutely hated to disappoint. Hated it, hated it, hated it. So I totally fell apart. Within weeks of our arrival my heart swirled with a toxic mixture of anger, resentment, bitterness and depression. I became the very worst version of myself.
As time passed and God began to do His amazing work in my heart, I understood, to my deep embarrassment, that the person whom I had become during that awful first year of refugee work was the real me. But God was not mad at me—holding some invisible heavenly baseball bat over my head—instead He wanted to help me change.
I became aware that at the very heart of my negative emotions was my desire to please people. And not only was this not good, it was downright evil. Its root was in my pride. When I couldn't please people and keep my reputation as an amazing, generous, all-around-wonderful woman intact, I became deeply angry. It didn't manifest itself through rages, but rather through depression.
And I absolutely hated to disappoint. Hated it, hated it, hated it. So I totally fell apart. Within weeks of our arrival my heart swirled with a toxic mixture of anger, resentment, bitterness and depression. I became the very worst version of myself.
As time passed and God began to do His amazing work in my heart, I understood, to my deep embarrassment, that the person whom I had become during that awful first year of refugee work was the real me. But God was not mad at me—holding some invisible heavenly baseball bat over my head—instead He wanted to help me change.
I became aware that at the very heart of my negative emotions was my desire to please people. And not only was this not good, it was downright evil. Its root was in my pride. When I couldn't please people and keep my reputation as an amazing, generous, all-around-wonderful woman intact, I became deeply angry. It didn't manifest itself through rages, but rather through depression.
When I live to the glory of God, who knows my heart and loves me even when I fail, I am freed to disappoint people when necessary. And as weird as that sounds, for me it was absolutely life-changing.
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| Nancy teaching in the Ivory Coast—1996 |
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